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post #11 of 2117 (permalink) Old 07-05-2011, 10:54 AM
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Two fellows who had never met ended up paired together on the first tee of a country club. The play was quite slow as the game went on and on a long par 5 a ball bounced near them and trickled on past. They looked back and saw two women playing behind them, one of which waved and hollered "fore" folowed by "sorry!"
The next hole it happened again, only the flight of the ball actually carried over top of them. One fellow said "I'm going back there and tell those two to ease up a bit, we're playing as past as the group in front will allow us to!" with that the fellow strode off. A couple minutes later he suddenly ducked down and quickly hurried back.
"What's the matter?" asked his playing partner.
"I can't say anything to them, one of the women is my wife and I'm not supposed to be playing today. Worse than that, the other one's my lover!"
They walked on in silence, and then suddenly another ball screamed past them.
"Well, I'll say something then" said the second man. He turned and walked purposefully back towards the women. After about a hundred yards the fellow turned and sprinted back and grabbed his clubs on the fly. Before the other man could ask what was wrong the fellow exclaimed:
"Small world, isn't it!"

grab all the kicks you can baby, you only make this scene once!
current rides: '09 GL1800AD "SENSHI"; 2003 RVT1000r (RC51) track bike... certified m/c addict. IDMWT #12. GWRRA #028890
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post #12 of 2117 (permalink) Old 07-06-2011, 01:19 PM
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A blonde and her boyfriend are going through their daily routine in the bathroom when there's a knock at the door. The boyfriend who is in the shower tells the blonde to go answer the door.
The blonde puts on a towel and goes to the door. A man is standing there, and says "Hey hon, do me a favor."
"What?" asks the blonde.
"Drop the towel and I'll give you $500." replied the man.
The blonde drops her towel for the man at the door.
"Thanks, a ton hon, I'll catch you later" says the man and he hands her the $500.
The blonde walks back smiling to her boyfriend who had just got out of the shower.
As he steps out, he says "Hey hon? I just thought I'd let you know John from my work will be stopping by to pay me back $500 he owes me."



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post #13 of 2117 (permalink) Old 07-06-2011, 01:48 PM
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A blonde and a brunette were walking down the sidewalk.
"Oh dear" cried the brunette staring at the walk in front of them, "look at that poor dead bird!"
The blonde cast her look skyward and answered "Where?"

grab all the kicks you can baby, you only make this scene once!
current rides: '09 GL1800AD "SENSHI"; 2003 RVT1000r (RC51) track bike... certified m/c addict. IDMWT #12. GWRRA #028890
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post #14 of 2117 (permalink) Old 07-06-2011, 06:51 PM
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You meet the funniest people on a Goldwing.

Lee.
Darksider since I finally saw the Light.
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post #15 of 2117 (permalink) Old 07-06-2011, 06:54 PM
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Quote:
You meet the funniest people on a Goldwing.
As well as some of the funniest looking too. bdump bump.



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post #16 of 2117 (permalink) Old 07-06-2011, 07:09 PM
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this is maybe the only nice one I know.

Mr and Mrs. McDonald went for their annual check up. They were in their 80's and seeing the same good doctor for years.

Doc knew Mr. McD wasn't as in good of health and sometimes old some tall tails so he always saw him first and had Mrs. McD translate if she could.

Doc asked him how he was doing and Mr. McD said, " I am gettin' older but God's angels are looking out for he, keep me from falling down or hurting myself". Doc, pressed on for details. He said, "Why just last night, I had to go pee in dark of night and an angel turned on the bathroom light so I wouldn't fall". Doc sat perplexed.

After Mrs. McD's exam, Doc told her of the tail and hoped she would explain. Mrs McD got red in the face, jumped and told the Doc to call the hearse. He was now even further confused then she said, "If that son-of-%#^&$ peed in the frig again, I'll kill 'em before he finds the back door.


"The best way to get a bad law repealed is to enforce it strictly." Abe Lincoln
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post #17 of 2117 (permalink) Old 07-06-2011, 08:29 PM
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Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown to do some shopping. I was only there for about 15 minutes, and when I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I said to him, “Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break”?

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a “buthole.” He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a “doughnut eating ,gasbag. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 10 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote.

Then I got on the bus and went home.
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"The best way to get a bad law repealed is to enforce it strictly." Abe Lincoln
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post #18 of 2117 (permalink) Old 07-06-2011, 08:43 PM
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A young mother was concerned about Timmy, her kindergarten son, walking on his own to school. The problem was Timmy didn't want his mother to walk with him. The problem was she wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe.

So she had an idea of how to handle the situation. She asked a neighbor if she would please follow her son to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he probably wouldn't notice her. Her neighbor said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.

The next school day, the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew. She did this for the whole week. As the two children walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week.

Finally she said to Timmy, 'Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week? Do you know her?' Timmy nonchalantly replied, 'Yeah, I know who she is.' The little girl said, 'Well, who is she?' 'That's just Shirley Goodnest,' Timmy replied, 'and her daughter Marcy.' 'Shirley Goodnest? Who is Shirley Goodnest and why is she following us'?

'Well,' Timmy explained, 'every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'because she worries about me so much. And in the Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life', so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!'

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Elected officials like diapers need to be changed regularly, both for the same reason. Mark Twain
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post #19 of 2117 (permalink) Old 07-08-2011, 05:29 PM Thread Starter
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An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

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post #20 of 2117 (permalink) Old 07-08-2011, 05:30 PM Thread Starter
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A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York two days before
Thanksgiving and says, 'I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.
'Pop, what are you talking about?' the son screams.
We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the father says.
'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you
call your sister in Chicago and tell her.'
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. 'Like heck
they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this,'
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, 'You are NOT
getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling
my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do
a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay,' he says,
'they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.'

2004 GL1800 Bloodstone Red Metallic
1988 GL1500/6 Martini Beige Metallic (Sold)
1984 GL1200 Pearl Saturn Red/Century Brown Metallic (Sold)
1981 Honda CM400T Candy Sword Blue with Metallic Light Blue (Cubed and Recycled)

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