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post #1791 of 2080 (permalink) Old 08-24-2016, 09:52 AM
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So sad, but true.

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post #1792 of 2080 (permalink) Old 08-24-2016, 09:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TwoIron View Post
Two guys grow up together but after college one moves to Michigan, the other to Florida. They agree to meet every ten years in Vero Beach and play golf.

At age 30, they finish their round of golf and go to lunch.
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“Well, you know, they got the broads, with the big racks, and the tight shorts, and the legs …”
“OK.”

Ten years later at age 40 they play.
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.
“Why?”
“Well, you know, they got cold beer and the big screen TVs and everybody has a little action on the games.”
“OK.”

Ten years later at age 50 they play
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“The food is pretty good and there is plenty of parking.”
”OK.”

At age 60 they play
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“Wings are half price.”
“OK”

At age 70 they play
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“They have 6 handicapped spaces right by the door.”
“OK.”

At age 80 they play
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“We’ve never been there before.”
I have the 1/2 price thing going but I may have to remind Ron and George were to go.

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Last edited by golddragon1329; 08-24-2016 at 03:29 PM.
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post #1793 of 2080 (permalink) Old 08-24-2016, 03:11 PM
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I lost the trivia contest at the church social last night by one point and was totally embarrassed.

The last question was: "Where do most women have curly hair?"
So I shouted out my answer.

Apparently the correct answer is: Africa.

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post #1794 of 2080 (permalink) Old 08-24-2016, 03:31 PM
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That makes total seance. Africa

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post #1795 of 2080 (permalink) Old 08-24-2016, 06:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lken37 View Post
I lost the trivia contest at the church social last night by one point and was totally embarrassed.

The last question was: "Where do most women have curly hair?"
So I shouted out my answer.

Apparently the correct answer is: Africa.
Let me guess, you said their Arm pits

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post #1796 of 2080 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 09:33 AM
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Punography


·I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

·When chemists die, they barium.

·Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

·I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

·How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

·I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

·This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

·I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

·I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words .

·They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

·A dyslexic man walks into a bra .

·PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

·Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

·Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory-- I hope there's no pop quiz.

·The Energizer bunny arrested and charged with battery.

·The old man didn't like his beard at first. Then it grew on him.

·Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher

who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

·When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

·What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

·I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

·Broken pencils are pointless.

·What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

·England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

·I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

·All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

·I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

·Velcro - what a rip off!

·Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

·Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

·Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

·I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

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post #1797 of 2080 (permalink) Old 08-28-2016, 10:11 AM
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Colonoscopy



All the organs of the body were having a meeting


Trying to decide who was the one in charge.
I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."


"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away." "I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy." I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go." I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."



I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal." All the other body parts laughed at the rectum
And insulted him,

So in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache

The stomach was bloated,

The legs got wobbly,

The eyes got watery,

And the blood was toxic.


They all decided that the rectum should be the boss The Moral of the story?


Even though the others do all the work..
The ass hole is usually in charge


you don't send this to at least 4 people....

Who gives a Poop !

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post #1798 of 2080 (permalink) Old 08-29-2016, 06:37 PM
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HELP REQUESTED:

A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super bowl. They are box seats plus airfares and hotel accommodations. He didn't realize when he bought them that this is the same day as his wedding - so he can't go.
If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St Peter's Church in New York City at 5 PM. Her name is Betty. She will be the one in the white dress.

Ham Call: W1AYZ

Past Master of Ephrata Lodge #167.
Past District Deputy to the of the Grand Master of Free and Accepted Masons of Washington.
Past Worthy Patron of Oasis Chapter OES.

The Older I get the Better I Was.



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post #1799 of 2080 (permalink) Old 08-29-2016, 09:37 PM
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@ike n37;
If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St Peter's Church in New York City at 5 PM. Her name is Betty. She will be the one in the white dress.


Bwahahahaha!!!!! That's my wife Martena LHAO!!!!! Now that's funny.
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post #1800 of 2080 (permalink) Old 09-02-2016, 06:20 AM
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OLYMPIC MIS-SPEAKS

Here are the top nine comments actually made by sports commentators
during the Olympics that they would like to take back:


1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw
her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.”

2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from
personal experience since I once mounted her mother.”

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother
and father.”

4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths
in boxing, but none of them really that serious.”

5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can
expect the same thing again.”

6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't
like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.”

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the
IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.”

8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've
got eleven Dicks on the field.”

9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is
that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses
them . . . Oh my God, what have I just said?"
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