Need some advice - Honda Goldwing Forums
 14Likes
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-21-2019, 08:32 PM Thread Starter
Senior Member
 
BigDaddy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Austin, Minnesota
Posts: 2,874
Garage
Need some advice

Need some advice, and thought I would come here. Don't come around much anymore, but I still consider you all family. If this don't belong here feel free to delete.
Some of you know about our troubles with our son, my step son, but he was only 2 when Sue and I got married, so he is my son. He started having depression problems, and anxiety problems when he was in his early teens, and has never really gotten the right help for it. Sue and I have never been on the same page when it comes to discipline. I was always the strict one, and Sue let him get away with everything. He got picked up with weed when he was around 15, he is 23 now. A month ago he got his 3rd DWI in 6 years. The last 2 he lost his car both times. I told Sue I was done with him, didn't want anything to do with him. Told her it was time for tough love, and that she was to stop doing things for him, even tho I knew she wouldn't. She totes him around, getting groceries, and just doing errands. She also lets him come over to do his laundry, even tho she knows he is not welcomed, and that I don't want to see him. He goes to court in October sometime. Maximum sentence in Minnesota for what he is being charged with, is up to 1 year in jail, huge fines, and probation. I am betting that he won't get any jail time. Anyways, I am looking for some advice. Am I being to pig headed, by not wanting anything to do with him, and not welcoming him in my home? Should I give in, and get involved? Or should I stand my ground. He needs help, but he has to want it first. I think he needs to go away someplace and get the mental help he needs, but I don't think outpatient is the answer. But then he has a drinking problem too. The part I don't get, is he has to go in daily to give a breathalyzer test, so he knows he can't drink now, but then as soon as he is off probation, he is back to drinking again. So to me, thats a choice. I just don't know.

IBA #49906

BigDaddy is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-21-2019, 09:34 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1
PM sent.

Lee
Leekg is online now  
post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-21-2019, 10:03 PM
Senior Member
 
Eric's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Adelaide Sth. Australia
Posts: 10,568
For me.................it is a case of a united front from with you and Sue. Otherwise you will be the loser. You need to put your thoughts to Sue without any put downs. And be a strength for Sue in the background. It is just as hard for her even when she is taking a different tack to you.
Good luck with this. E&V

When all else fails.......... use a hammer!
Eric is offline  
 
post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-21-2019, 10:16 PM
Lifetime Premium
 
Ron Robertson's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: N.W. Washington
Posts: 17,134
Has he ever been tested for Hypoglycemia. That can cause a lot of behavioral problems.????
BigDaddy likes this.

From the Northwest Corner
Ron
The Land of Tall mountains
IDMWT #5
Ron Robertson is online now  
post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-22-2019, 03:05 AM
Senior Member
 
Luv2fish's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Stafford, VA
Posts: 2,904
Sent you a private message.
BigDaddy likes this.

Steve

2015 Goldwing NAV/ABS
IDMWT #81
Fredericksburg, Virginia

Luv2fish is online now  
post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-22-2019, 04:56 AM
Lifetime Premium
 
Chopin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Centreville, VA 2008 Pearly White.
Posts: 22,931
I feel the pain. Been through it, still going through it at age 36. When the heroin came in a few years ago it all went to hell-in-a-hen basket. Looking back, my wife and I felt powerless; and hope for tomorrow made a good supper but a poor breakfast.

Sent from my E6830 using Tapatalk
BigDaddy and Stratman like this.

Lee.
Darksider since I finally saw the Light.
Chopin is online now  
post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-22-2019, 05:40 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Sellersville PA
Posts: 43
I agree with Eric - and maybe part of coming to being a united front might be for you and Sue to seek some counseling.

It doesn't have to be marriage counseling either. Sometimes getting a neutral listening ear can be all that is needed to hear the other person and LISTEN to them. Hearing and listening are often thought to be interchangeable - but you can hear a loud scream but that doesn't mean you understood the loud volume - but listening provides the ability to think and weigh the words being said.

Also being too strict (often a view rather than a fact) can be a road block to seeing "the love". Maybe you might think you are strict and Sue is viewing it as anger and overbearing - and as such an unreasonable action towards her son.

I am wondering if the father has ever had a role in the son's life? Even though my ex-wife and I divorced ages ago - we have always had a good and (most of the time) healthy relationship with OUR sons.
BigDaddy likes this.

Proud Owner of IDMWT #102
2004 Black GL1800A Gold Wing
1997 Black/Silver Kawasaki Vulcan 750
dan18960 is online now  
post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-22-2019, 08:01 AM
Super Moderator
 
Two Wheel Wing's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Northeast, Pa
Posts: 9,161
I agree with the "united' front. If you are not both on the same page he will continue to play one against the other. He needs help and rehab. Not from someone who will tell him it's "ok" or "don't worry", but someone who will tell him like it is. That there consequences to his actions.

As far as helping him, for example, Tell him when you/wife are going to the store and ask if he wants to go along. Make him adhere to your schedule, not the other way around.

I don't know if you are affiliated with a church, but sometimes there is help there.
BigDaddy and Chopin like this.

Charlie
<><
Proud Owner of IDMWT #1
Past rides:
1974 Blue Yamaha TX500
1986 Red Kawasaki Voyager 1200
1998 Illusion Red Goldwing 1500 SE
2009 Silver Goldwing 1800 Audio/Comfort
***(all dropped, all gone, but none forgotten)***
Present:
2003 Electron Blue Metallic Corvette 5.7

Faith is more than believing God can, it's knowing God will.


Elected officials like diapers need to be changed regularly, both for the same reason. Mark Twain
Two Wheel Wing is online now  
post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-22-2019, 08:03 AM Thread Starter
Senior Member
 
BigDaddy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Austin, Minnesota
Posts: 2,874
Garage
Thank you everyone!

IBA #49906

BigDaddy is online now  
post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-22-2019, 08:33 AM
Administrator
 
budoka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Athabasca, Alberta, short season & huge bugs
Posts: 25,480
Garage
I'm not in any position to guide or council on this. However, I have to agree that it needs to be an all in for the three of you together. Whatever way it plays out, you need each other's support all along the way.

grab all the kicks you can baby, you only make this scene once!
current rides: '09 GL1800AD "SENSHI"; 2003 RVT1000r (RC51) track bike... certified m/c addict. IDMWT #12. GWRRA #028890
Daryl
budoka is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the Honda Goldwing Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome